How Becoming a Mother Transformed My Practice

There are many important skills that healthcare professionals need—knowledge, technical ability, and communication, just to name a few. But one of the most essential skills is empathy. To truly assess, diagnose, and treat patients, it's critical to put yourself in their shoes. And while I’ve always tried to do that, there was one area where I felt I couldn’t fully relate: I wasn’t a mother and hadn’t experienced the physical and emotional demands of pregnancy and caring for a newborn.

That may not seem like a big deal, but for me, it was. I wanted the advice I gave my patients to be more than just theoretical. I wanted it to be practical, something I knew could work in real life. Just like you'd expect a dentist to floss their own teeth, I wanted to be able to say to my patients, "Taking care of your pelvic health really is possible, even with a newborn." I wanted to be able to say, “I’ve been through it too.”

Then, ten months ago, I had my first child. I remember about six weeks after giving birth, I was determined to start my pelvic floor exercises. “I’ll just fit in ten minutes while the baby naps, right after I shower and grab a quick snack,” I thought. I got through two reps before my baby woke up from her very brief nap. “Okay,” I thought, “I’ll wear her in a carrier and do my exercises that way... oh, wait, she won’t let me sit down... how do I do Kegels while bouncing a baby? Forget it.”

It hit me all at once: all the times I’d confidently told my patients to find time for exercises with a newborn—I didn’t fully get it. Here’s how I have evolved since becoming a mom:

What I used to say: “Your due date is in six weeks. Let’s start perineal massage and talk about diastasis recti, C-section scar management, and postpartum recovery.”
What I say now: “How are you feeling? What would you like to focus on in the coming weeks?”

What I used to say: “Do 3 sets of 12 reps, 2-3 times daily.”
What I say now: “Aim for 2-3 sets of 8-10 reps. Start with once a day and see how that feels. Don’t worry if you don’t get to it.”

What I used to say: “Do your exercises when the baby sleeps!”
What I say now: “Use nap time for your own well-being. You need to feel relaxed to focus on your exercises.”

What I used to say: “Make sure you’re lying down when you do your exercises.”
What I say now: “Let me show you how to do the exercises in different positions. Lying down might be easiest, but it’s not always possible with a baby.”

What I used to say: “How’s the baby doing?!”
What I say now: “How are YOU doing?”

To all of my past patients, I apologize for not fully understanding how challenging it is to prioritize your pelvic health while caring for a newborn. To my current and future patients, I now have a new perspective.

I’ll keep focusing on empathy, and I want to hear what it’s like to live YOUR life so I can better help you achieve your goals.